Entry 52

52


Comrade Fost was shot yesterday at nine in the morning for murder. It
was a glorious inspiration to put the tassel under his pillow. In
the afternoon we buried Pashinsky. I gave my share for a wreath with
red ribbons and the inscription "To him who fell for Proletariat -- Long
live the International," and was present at the funeral. Dutzman made
a speech; a very pathetic one.

In the evening the sentinels were doubled. There are lights in every
room now. There was a light in every corridor. The ladies -- are, -- for
the moment being, out of immediate danger. The Soviet decided
to transport all to Ekaterinburg, -- as soon as a steamer will be
available.

Today Nachman called on me. He took me to the Square and when we were
sitting on a bench, he said, that "It was well done" ("that's all
right, sir, perfectly all right"), but if he were in my place he would
go away. "It's easy," he continued, -- "supposing I give you a good
letter of recommendation to my people in Ekaterinburg? The interesting
part of all of this, -- believe me, has started only. Don't fear
me, -- this scabby Jew, this very Nachman, -- will not betray."

I thought it over and said:

"I would do so, if I only could leave some trace here. A friend may
ask for me here, and I would be sore if she could not find me, -- if she
only cares."

"Oh, she will," he laughed, "she will. Of course, I am not posted in
your personal affairs, but -- a lady always can find one, if she
cares. Ha-ha-ha! Youth is always youth! But you better go without
leaving traces...."

I continued:

"Nachman, there is another thing. Here is an old man, -- a friend of
mine, -- he is very sick. His days are numbered, and I feel very sorry
for him. If I go away all will be lost for this old chap; he has
nobody in this world. Could you use your power and place him in a
hospital? I will give you money, of course, -- I have some."

Nachman sighed: "This is so out of time! Nowadays love and charity are
much more dangerous than murders and thefts."

Then after a pause, he continued;

"Very well, friend, I will take care of your man. Hand me the money."

Then he gave me a letter to his friends in Ekaterinburg (it was ready
in his pocket) and we parted.

I am free, happy, independent, with a good standing amongst the
present Russians. And if only she could be near me ... but there is
no perfect happiness on this strangest of planets of ours.